I did write last week. Didn’t get a whole lot done. But yesterday I finished the chapter I’d started. And I felt good about it. Today I was sure I was going to begin a new chapter and I did. But after two paragraphs I stopped.
I’m tired and irritable. I don’t feel like writing at all. The most I’m going to do is go back through what I have and change the name of one of the characters. Thanks Word for Search and Replace. And tomorrow I won’t be able to write. Most likely not until next Tues.
What does it matter? I can take all the time I want. Still, I feel disappointed in myself today. Knowing I wasn’t going to have lots of time for the next week I was prepared for this to be a good writing day.
Part of it is because I don’t know where I’m going with this chapter. This is a novel with two voices. And this chapter is told by the hardest voice for me to write. On another day it might be different. I have the luxury to wait for that other day. I’m not talking about inspiration. If writers waited for inspiration we wouldn’t have many books in the library.
Maybe I have to think about this voice more. I have to give the character a back story. Usually I do that. I write a backstory for my protagonist and I haven’t done this. Not with either of them. I wonder why I haven’t. I think it’s time for me to take this novel more seriously. Not change my schedule, but do the things I usually do.
Ah. Because I have no illusions about publishing it I’m being lazy, I think. I’m not respectful of what I’m doing. So, okay. It’s fine to not have illusions, to write on a more flexible schedule, but when I do write I have to be serious about it. Treat it like I have all my other novels. And do whatever I do to make it work. Backstory is one thing. I find that important and helpful. Unlike an outline which, if you’ve been reading this blog, you know I don’t do nor do I want to.
After writing this post I still feel tired and irritable, but I know a little more than I did.