It’s starting. Yesterday I had to have my picture taken for the local paper. It was hell. I’m completely unphotogenic. I’ve twice had pros, who do authors, take my picture and it took rolls and rolls and rolls of film to get one.
This photo will go with an interview that will appear on page 2 of this paper. The interview is in two hours. I’m meeting the writer at a cafe that has gelato so that’s a plus. I know the writer so that’s another plus. I think. I’ve never been interviewed by someone I know.
At any rate, this is great exposure for me and I’m delighted that the paper wanted to do this. So I’m not complaining even if it seems I am. As always, what I’m trying to do is show what it’s like to have a book published if you’re in my league and not a star.
Speaking of stars, I read in the paper today that big name crime writers are getting gigs at casinos. Now that I wouldn’t mind as I love to gamble. Who am I kidding? I’d be terrified to speak in front of 1200 people as Janet Evanovich did. And just to ward off the comments I’m not knocking Evanovich for doing this. I wish I had her smarts about these things. And, of course, I wish I had her sales!
Wednesday the 28th I’m appearing on a panel in Bryant Park in New York with Cynthia Baxter, Carol Goodman and Laura Lippman. Gammy Singer is the moderator. I’ve never met any of these writers. I’ve exchanged email with some. And I’m very honored to have been asked to appear with them. But right now, as I sit and think about this, I’d rather be dead.
It scares me. Simple as that. You’d think after all this time, having gone on book tours, I’d be over that. But I’m not and probably never will be. It’s a fact of my life.
Some writers love this sort of thing. I mean really, really love it. I know there has to be some who feel the way I do, but I never seem to meet them.
I won’t even go into the Borders reading that’s coming up in July. Not now I won’t.
So why do I do these things if I hate them? Because I’m asked to. I want to be cooperative and if the publicity person thinks it’s worth doing I have to believe her. And btw, this new one is great. Her name is Lindsey Benoit, in case anyone reading this is ever lucky enough to work with her. I’ll actually meet her on the 28th.
This isn’t a reading we’re doing. We’re answering questions posed by the moderator and then some from the audience. Here are my fears: what if I don’t know how to answer?; what if I sound stupid?; what if my mind goes blank? what if no one from the audience asks me a question? Ah, see. I’m of two minds.
Believe me, if I wasn’t asked to do this or other events I’d be mad. I’d feel left out. Abandoned. Dissed.
Still, I’d rather stay in my room.