Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Decision and Guilt

Okay, I lied.  I didn’t go back to work on June 5th.  Or 6th.  Or today.  I made a decision over the weekend that I was going to take the summer off.  I’ve been wanting a whole summer for decades.

Maybe if I were on a roll with this book I’d keep going now.  But I’m not.  And as I’ve said ad nauseum, no one is waiting for this novel.

But what to do about the guilt?  I feel it in my gut.  If this is going to continue I’m going to have to write.  And I really don’t want to now.  If I have to go back to writing the book will suffer. 

I’ve published 19 novels.  I should get points for that.  I know Ed McBain published over a hundred (I think) wrote from 9 to 6 and never took off a day. I don’t think he did.  The McBain historians are welcome to correct me.  But even if I’m off by this or that, the man still wrote and published all the time. 

I’m not comparing myself to him in anyway, how could I?  I’m just using him as an example of someone who wrote and wrote and here I am having published 19 and thinking I need a vacation.

It’s not so much need as want.  But what fun is it going to be with a fist in my stomach?  I’m hoping this will go away.  I want to spend a lot of time reading.  And if it ever stops raining I want to lie in my hammock to do that.

Also, I’ll be able to stay up for the Yankee games if they run late.  I’ll be able to do a lot of things I can’t do when I’m on my writing schedule.  Not feeling the way I do today, however.

I’ll just have to wait and see.  Maybe I’ll ease into this thing.

I fully intend to start writing again after Labor Day.  Go back to work like everybody else.

I’ll continue to post here about things that have to do with writing.  And I’ll try not to whine about my guilt.

6 comments:

Dr. Lisa said...

Whee!! Welcome to the ranks of the slacker, Sandra! You are entitled to be content. To help you join the ranks of the happy drop-outs (like my spouse, particularly), I send along my favorite anti-work websites and resources

Anxiety Culture

Why work, a pro-leisure website

Dr. Lisa said...

Oh one more:

The Idler

Leonardo said...

I'm not a writer and I don't even work -Still a Student- So Please help me to understand this ...
You are tired of work
You need a vacation
No One is waiting for you to finish a new novel soon,right?
So where is the problem?
whu can't you enjoy a time off
why is that fist in your stomach?
aren't you supposed to enjoy the things you do?
if you need a vacation ,you won't enjoy working
so take avacation :)
I think that the most important thing is always to enjoy life not to right as many novels as you can :)

I hope You take a vacation & enjoy it well then come back & write a great 20th novel :)

Sandra Scoppettone said...

Leonardo,
The answer to all your questions about why I'm guilty is because I'm neurotic. However, what you say after the questions is absolutely right. And I'm going to take your advice as much as I can. Today I feel fine about it.

oncRN said...

i love you and your decision. life is short, baby. all of your hard work has brought you to this point...yes, take the summer to honor yourself, this path that you have chosen, and your successes. all this honoring should take the form of pure relaxation and doing exactly what you want. work will always be there. screw the guilt...it's bad for your youthful complexion and positively toxic to your plan for relaxation.

nicola said...

Hey, Sandra (waving--long time no chat, sorry about that). It sounds as though it might be time to indulge in the time honoured writers' pastime of Fool Yourself.

Here's how it works. Pick an arcane subject that interests you. Go buy some books. Every day drag one of those books along with a glass of iced tea into the garden. Read for, oh, about an hour. Call it research. Bingo: you're working.

Hey, it works for me :)