“On the first of May, it is moving day.” It’s also the publication day of my paperback of TOO DARN HOT. Does anyone care? Certainly not my publisher. To be fair no publisher of a paperback (unless by a high profile author) ever cares about the release of a paperback.
But as I sit here at my desk, in my new chair, I wonder if this is the last time I’ll experience this nonevent. This isn’t a whiny thought. It’s perfectly possible that this might be the last time.Of course, I don’t have a chance if I don’t write another book. And as the days go by I don’t seem to be doing that. Yes, I have that idea I mentioned awhile ago, but you can’t just have an idea. You have to apply seat of pants to chair (new or not) and hit those keys. In other words, write.
Someone asked me yesterday if I was writing. When I said no, she said well I guess you have to take a break. A break? I don’t think this is what I’m doing. I think what I’m doing is not writing. There’s a difference.Taking a break is planned. And vacations are involved. Sleeping late. Going to bed late.
Not writing is not writing. There are parts of this state that I like. No deadlines loom. No jumping out of bed to be sure that I get to my desk by nine. No thinking. On the down side there’s brain boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never bored. I’ve always said that anyone who reads can’t ever be bored and I still think that’s true. Brain boredom to me is when I’m not creating. Not writing.I have no impulse to start. Even the research part doesn’t get a rise out of me.
I know that this book will be quite dark and the reader won’t love the protagonist. And there’ll be no redemption. At least I think that now. And if that’s true it’ll be hard to get it published. So it all seems futile.No, that’s not it. I’m a writer and a writer writes. So what’s going on? I’ll be damned if I know.
7 comments:
Sandra, I wish I could do or say something that would fill you with the desire and the energy to write. My mother is fond of saying there are different seasons in our life; maybe you're just tired of this. But as far as who cares about your books, I do...even though I've never read one. It distresses me to know that you're not writing. I believe you have many more exciting stories to tell. At the risk of being told it's none of my business, I'm going to say that I can't help but feel you're too tough on yourself and too tough on your ideas.
Maybe you'll forgive my mouthiness if I tell you that I got my copy of Too Darn Hot yesterday from Amazon. I thought they'd send This Dame for Hire first but . . . it's on its way. Might be at the post office today. I won't be reading them right away though... I have some first chapters to judge for a contest, and some critiques to do, but I just want you to know that I'm sending good thoughts your way and for what it's worth, praying you get productive soon.
Well, if I'm just tired of this then that's that. I'll be retired as I'm far too old to do anything new.
As for ordering my books, I thank you. I hope you like them. And thanks, too, for the good thoughts.
It seems like you need time to figure out how you feel about "not writing." Is it a relief in some ways? Maybe you've pushed too hard for too long. Or is it scary? (God, in the background here on the radio is the music for some depressing forties movie and it's making me quite sad. Maybe Rachmaninoff?).
Why not write a short story? I think you do easily and beautifully and the investment is so much less. Of course, I always recommend that. Even to myself.
Write a short story, Patti? Why? Isn't that writing? That's what I don't want to do. Write.
Maybe you need to find another way to express yourself creatively. Maybe the writing well is still too empty to work but what about painting or sculpture or welding?
Welding? Oh, my goodness! Sandra, do you do other artistic things? Maybe you're spreading your creative juices too thin. BTW, I got This Dame for Hire today. :) I'm trying to finish my novel by May 18th--that's when my husband will be home from Scotland and boy, is my life going to change. So then I'll start my rewriting... and my reading. Can't wait!
No, I don't do anything creative other than write. I think Bryon was having some fun with me. Still, I might consider welding.
Writer/Welder. It has a nice ring to it.
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