Sunday, October 08, 2006

Death and Denial

Since my last post I haven’t felt too great.  The first week after Jerry’s death I managed to write a chapter.  But this past week was awful.

On Saturday I had a computer disaster and had to reinstall.  I backup so none of my writing was lost.  But if you’ve ever had to do this you know how long it takes.  Because I have backup drives I was able to reinstall  and recover programs I use.  Somehow this took me all week.

Now I know it was because of Jerry.  I couldn’t have written anyway.  I was far too sad.  I was able to deny this until the computer was back in shape.  The computer horror kept me busy and my feelings at bay.

I probably won’t be writing this coming week either.  I have other things I’m going to do. So when I get back to work I will have been away from the novel for two weeks.  It’s okay.  I don’t feel ready yet anyway.

Death sucks.

 

1 comment:

Bullfighter said...

Given the deep denial driving the American unconscious at the present time, it is a celebration of your emotional bravery and ability to engage reality that you both recognized and processed what the computer crash really represented and chose to honor the loss of Jerry rather than run and crash some aspect of yourself. It may be even braver in today's world, to publicly write about it. I wish more people would dance with truth as you have just done. My condolences on your loss.
And yeah, death sure can stink.