I’ve decided it’s the routine that’s gotten to me. It’s not unlike any job where you do the same thing over and over.
What I mean is this: going to bed by 10 P.M.; getting up to an alarm; having breakfast; getting to my desk by 9 A.M. and staying there until 12 or 1.
On the face of it it doesn’t look so terrible. But I’ve been doing it for about 50 years with short breaks here and there.
Since I stopped writing ideas have come to me…not big ones, but little ones here and there. I think to myself I should write that (a habit that doesn’t go away ever, I suspect) and then my mind goes immediately to the SCHEDULE. And I know I can’t do it.
So change the schedule, you say. Write in the afternoon. Write at night. Use something other than a computer. I can’t. I’ve never used anything but a typewriter or a computer. And I’ve always written in the morning.
I’m a morning person. I’d have no energy to write in the afternoon and night is for other things. Like life. Not to mention total lack of energy. Writing with pen and pad leaves me cold. And I can’t write in cafes or libraries or anywhere but here. I have to have total silence. That’s one of the main reasons I left NYC.
I have no idea what to do about this. Perhaps I’ll have to stay silent until the idea of a schedule doesn’t make me feel sick.