I’ve been walking around with a low-grade depression for weeks. Now something has lifted it for me. I think I miss writing. Everything I’ve said before this is true. I didn’t miss it and I was feeling fine about it, enjoying myself.
I still hate the idea of a routine. But I realized that three days a week I get up to an alarm anyway because I go to an excercise class. This means that three nights a week I go to bed at the same time I did when writing. That is part of the routine I was sick of. The other part is writing itself. Or was.
This doesn’t mean I’m going to plunge into some big project or even a small one. The fact is, I don’t know what it means.
There are adjustments I have to make. I have to accept that I’m not in the thick of things anymore. It’s not twenty some years ago when I was in on starting Sisters In Crime. I don’t have loads of writer friends. Many of them have stopped writing (or stopped getting published) and I don’t live in NYC. There’s a whole new crop of wonderful writers out there and it’s their turn now…as it should be. Going on book tours is a thing of the past for me. I’m not grieving for that. I could still go to conventions but I don’t want to. Again, that’s really for the new kids on the block.
This is a fresh chapter for me. I’m not sure what will be in it, but I guess I’ll find out. I have no illusions about this. And I hope no delusions.
As always, I don’t know how I got from there to here.